Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Movie Review: 'Blood Out' Starring Val Kilmer, AnnaLynne McCord .

There are films that stay with you hanker afterwards the end credits roll because they are so amazing they look alike the men of God touch your soul. And so there are films that bond with you because they are so painful that you cover them like major natural disasters. (Remember where you were when Jonah Hex came out?) Blood Out most emphatically belongs in the latter category.

It is an ineptly directed, poorly written, and badly acted direct-to-DVD schlock about a little town deputy sheriff named Michael Savion (played woodenly and uncharismatically by Luke Goss) who travels to the big mean city and goes undercover as "Snake" to infiltrated the ring that murdered his drug addict brother. (I guess "Spike" or "Killer" weren`t too generic enough.)

blood out Luke Goss

The mob is made up of a rainbow coalition of baddies, led by Elias (Tamer Hassan, Clash of the Titans), take "Snake" under their flank and read him the lavish lifestyle they live which seems to be flat out of a chain of bad late 90′s hip-hip video. (Which explains why 90210′s AnnaLynne McCord, who plays Elias`s main squeeze, is robed in dominatrix gear & whipping two half-naked girls. Someone in the production office thought that was cool instead of the cumbersome and awful result that image ended up being.)

Blood Out veers in cliched territory very quickly: "Snake" gets in too deep, might not be capable to drag himself out in time but does so, blah, blah, blah. It`s Donnie Brasco by the way of Walking Tall but made by people who don`t worry about film or who weren`t even willing to have a single community college course on how to get a movie. (There are a lot of moments when actors just stand around, after reciting their dialogue, and literally wait for the manager to yell "Cut!" This is not a joke: THEY KEPT THOSE MOMENTS IN THE FILM!)

While there`s no account for taste (I loved Taken), there`s a sleaziness that oozes out of the film, like with the whole dominatrix thing for the interest of having girls paddled on their rears. When we`re introduced to the leading character, he`s chasing down a drug pusher who then proceeds, in "ultra-cool" slow motion, to take a small girl. It doesn`t touch the main plot or the characters in any way, nor does it produce an air which a much better-made film lives in. A small girl gets a heater to the chest. Why? Because it "looked freaking cool". (The dead and bloody little miss is played by the girl of conductor and co-writer Jason Hewitt. Dude has a lot of explaining to do back home.)

Though there isn`t a single performance worthy of yet a Razzie, somehow Executive Producer Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson reaches a new acting low (remember when he exploited to rap?) as the big city detective who doesn`t need to inquire the brother`s death. The reasons why his "Det. Hardwick" isn`t doing anything are obscure but it doesn`t matter. It`s 50 Cent as a cop. Get it? It`s like when a baby uses the F-word: it`s a knickknack that wears out immediately.

Vinnie Jones (X-Men: The Last Stand) pops up as the guy who actually pulled the trip and Val Kilmer is there but largely because it seems he thinks he`s on the "McGruber" set. (Come on, Val! Did you truly owe that often in back taxes?)

All-in-all, Blood Out is a truly awful movie. Don`t buy it or take it or even see it on a rainy Sunday afternoon. It`ll give you miserable. There are better things to watch than this natural disaster.

Blood Out
Starring: Val Kilmer, AnnaLynne McCord, 50 Cent and Luke Goss
Directed by: Jason Hewitt
Screenplay by: Jason Hewitt Re-written by: John A. O`Connell
Studio: Lionsgate
Theatrical Release Date: April 26, 2011
Rating: 2/10
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